"What if today, we were just grateful for everything?" - Charlie Brown

When I first sat down to write this entry, I felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety and couldn't put my finger on the reason.   I was trying to categorize and organize all the things sloshing around in my head.  Yes, it was Thanksgiving, and no, I was not with family.  Yes, this was my dad's favorite holiday meal and, no I hadn't cooked the full meal since he passed.  Yes, I loved all of the dishes on the menu, and no, I didn't enjoy them as much I did when he was alive.   Each good thought was counterpunched by another, and I felt myself slowly sliding down that slope that I was sure would find me mentally curled in a fetal position rocking away the darkness.  I knew I had to dig myself out and quickly or the return could take a while.

I needed a feel good moment to happen so I trolled the internet in search of a posting of the full length holiday classic A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving to lift my spirits.  I loved all of these movies as a kid, and as an adult,  I quickly recognized the subtle humor peppered throughout.  A good guttural laugh and a few hearty chuckle-worthy moments into the film, and I could see the light again.   So I called upon the muse of Marcie, and let the feelings of thankfulness flow which culminated in this listing of things for which I am grateful today and everyday (in no particular order):

• Facial tissue because this dust is working up an allergy I have never had.  Tissue is now my best friend.  I suspect it's a combination of the cat dander and the desert dust that finds me reaching for one all too often throughout the day.
• My mom and her road dawg, Aunt Lauretta, my sister and my brother who have really stepped in to try to fill the void that was created in Camryn's life when I left.  They made sure she got settled into her new digs in college and ensure that she is in touch with family when she is feeling alone.  
• Cooler temperatures that allowed me take two leisurely walks today just to think of all the things going right in my life.  Camryn told me when I left that she hoped Kuwait would treat me well, and so far so good.  I am loving it here even with all of the challenges of residency, traffic, and the usual heat.  
• The Sultan Center cause it's a short walk from work and sells products from home like Tostitos chips, salsa and cheese dip.  
• Chips and dip cause I needed a snack before I headed to dinner tonight.  Besides that, this is my go-to meal when I am too tired to cook. 
• My cousin Jackie and her family who have taken Camryn in for the holidays and who I know are feeding her well.  I am especially grateful for C who scooped her up for the ride to Florida.
• Having my passport back although it came too late for me to make travel plans for this break.  I have already booked flights and hotels for my Christmas break travels and am reviewing my bucket list for spring break and summer.  
• An old friend who showed up unexpectedly in my life all the way over here in Kuwait and asked some questions that I have avoided hearing and avoided answering even more.  I can't wait to see what comes of this look in the proverbial mirror.  I suspect it's going to be GREAT!!   
• The kindness of others who have extended themselves to make a very happy Thanksgiving for everyone away from friends and family.  I am blessed to have two dinners on my schedule this holiday break, and even more blessed because I don't have to cook it or clean up afterwards.  #winning 
• Kuwait cucumbers, yes cucumbers.  OMG these are the best I have ever tasted and they are sized just right.  For me, they are like potato chips.  I can't eat just one!!  
• Pomegranate seeds sold by the cupful.  In spite of the youtube videos and the tutorial sent to my by the Elliott girls, Sarah and Erin (with Grant doing his own thing in the background), I have not found a way to cut one without making a mess. Think I'll stick with the cup.
• Technology that allows me to stay in daily touch with my those back home 24/7!
• The good fortune to have this opportunity to do the job I love and gain immensely through personal and professional contacts I am making here.  My eyes are wide open, and I am graciously receiving it all.  

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Life is short! Smile while you still have teeth!!

I know it's been a little bit since I've posted, but I have a good excuse.  I've been busy, very busy.  Remember, in one of my first posts I told you I had big plans just like that little mynah bird.  Well, I  have been deep in phase one of my plans and been busy doing a little bit of this, a little bit of that and a whole lot of nothing, which is everything I have wanted to do!!!

Surprisingly, time has passed very quickly.  It's November, and I am well into my 3rd month here.  The temperature has fallen with day temps in the upper 80s.  I have taken advantage of the pleasant weather by walking home from school or to the grocery store or sitting outside at a restaurant for lunch or dinner. Even though this transition has been exciting, it has not been without it's challenges, but I try to remember that life is short, AND I still have my teeth, so I smile.  

The residency process has been long and frustrating and I have not finished yet.  I completed Step 1 before I boarded the plane:   a battery of medical tests (I am sure I am the healthiest person on the planet after all of that.), verifying degrees through the clearing house and authenticating all of my documents at the state and federal levels before sending them to the Embassy for authentication.  Once I arrived and Step 2 began, I learned that all of the medical tests would be repeated along with a new passport photo session and fingerprinting.  While most only have to undergo the medical process once, because of all the mixups with my work visa (that I found out was cancelled only after I arrived) I was fortunate to have to go 3 times.  By the third trip there,  I knew that the struggle was absolutely real.  I entertained myself by making videos during each of those 4+ hour waits, long lines, unpleasant smells and facilities that caused more than a few wrinkles in my brow, but Snapchat helped me to smile and allowed me to share that smile and my teeth that I still have with others!!

We have just finished with 1st quarter at school and are now into the shortest 2nd quarter I have ever had.  It has only 22 instructional days and is inclusive of 7 days for exams...go figure!!!!  Teachers are scrambling to get material taught to mastery, reteach and review material as needed, create exams, and meet grading requirements.  I am still creating 2nd semester schedules (the entire scheduling process here differs from what I know), providing teachers with PD, observing instruction, etc.  I can happily say that I am fortunate to have some teachers on staff who are young and have been here for a few years and know the lay of the land.  They take me to places I haven't seen (the fabric souq, Cup Cafe for a little American-ish atmosphere, the Cocoa Room for American-like breakfast (I still struggle with Middle Eastern breakfast that is just, well, uh, food, any kind of food you want.  I had an egg wrap this morning that, along with the eggs, had french fries, cucumbers, and tomatoes...smh. But I digress.) These teachers allow me to share my silly videos with them, and on those days that I find my pressure rising and a headache coming on, they seem to sense just when I need some tomfoolery in my life and invite me somewhere that reminds me how short life is and that I should be enjoying every minute.  So I pretend I'm a bootleg Tyra Banks and have an impromptu photo shoot as I touch the back of my teeth with my tongue and smile cause I still have them.

Each day brings something new for me to learn and laugh about.  I spent more than a few seconds Tuesday trying to figure out the Arabic textbook.  Arabic is read and written from right to left so the back of the book is the front.  I couldn't figure out how to open it and must have flipped that book over 10 times before a student felt sorry for me and came to help.  Just this morning, I locked my apartment door, put the key in my bag and grabbed the handle to leave, realizing that I had just looked myself INSIDE instead of locking the door from the hallway.  More than I would like to admit, I am still getting in the elevator without going anywhere because I forget to press the button.   And at least twice a week, I find myself marveling in disbelief that I have actually packed my life into 3 suitcases and a carry on and moved across the world.  At this point, I am anxiously anticipating winter break, counting down the days till Camryn is here (one month from today), and living by the mantra that life IS short, and I smile as often as possible because I DO still have my teeth.  

"Venture outside your comfort zone. The rewards are worth it." - Rapunzel

When we think of the things in life that make us feel safe and secure, the list can be longer than anticipated once those things cease to exist or at least in the way we are most familiar.  Letting go of what we know and embracing what is can be scary, exciting, painful, and tremendous.  Life's experiences cause us to re-examine what we think and reshape what we thought to be true.  After being here only one month, here's what I know:

Creature comforts from home do exist, and I was happy to have them when I first landed, but I came for adventure so my shopping cart looks a little different with each trip I make to buy groceries.  The added plus is that these stores are a part of the mall, so I can do ALL of my shopping in one trip.  It's Wal-Mart on another level.  The downside, I somehow still manage to get lost on the taxi ride home and can never really figure out where I am or how to tell the driver to navigate the streets.  SMH

Clockwise from top left:

Remains of a Superfood Salad; one of many dishes served at 

Naranj; Cold Stone Creamery all the way in Kuwait; 

the options available at Tim Horton's, a Canadian favourite; 

If you want to eat it, Kuwait has it and will deliver it right to your door!!  It seems as if Kuwait is known by many as the food capital of the world, and this little app called Talabat makes it possible to to conduct your own in-home tastes tests with just a few clicks.  There is obviously no shortage of restaurants, bakeries, and coffee shops, and I have been making my way around the dining scene, one restaurant at a time, and while I have found myself drawn to many of the known favourites, (Chilis, PF Changs, and Starbucks)  I have also enjoyed some unfamiliar options like a Lebanese and Middle Eastern cuisine that caused a party in my mouth!!.   There is a smorgasbord out there and I fully intend to sample them all even if it's while sitting on my couch!

There is a saying that goes a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.  Well here, a biscuit in the hand is worth 300GB.  That's right, I said 300. This little gadget (better known around town as a biscuit) is my mobile router that offers me 300GB, yes, 300GB, of data for about $15 a month.  I can video chat everybody!!!!  It fits in my pocket and keeps me connected wherever I am.  Someone needs to tell Verizon to get with the program.

Kids are kids everywhere!!!  They may come from different backgrounds, have different fundamental beliefs, be accustomed to different facets of living, and represent an array of physical characteristics, but they are still kids who want someone to hear them, care about them, set boundaries, and help them sort out what they see for their futures.

The music of the day and night here is a car horn.  I actually think drivers must be frustrated musicians and composers constantly engaged in a melodic battle to see whose note rings the loudest.

Riding in anything that moves is a serious test of faith!! Being an unlicensed driver is bliss because the rules of the road are like nothing I have ever experienced.   Round-abouts take on a whole different meaning when the right-of-way is given to the inside lane...say what now?  Sidewalks are not made for walking but for parking, and painted lines in the road are obviously just for decoration when two lanes on your side of the median quite easily become five if that's how you want to roll.   You know; Get in where you fit in!!!   For my time here, I'll stick to riding in a taxi with my eyes focused on my phone, so I can avoid looking at the road. Maybe that's why I keep getting lost...hmmm!!!

Swimming in the Gulf

The bakala (this country's version of a Quik Trip or 7-Eleven or Kangaroo) are at the bottom of almost every apartment building and give the idea of a convenience store new life.  What would cost me $6 -$8 in the US will usually be $3 or less here which is detrimental to my figure and my sugar and Lord knows neither area needs any added interference or pressure!!!

In the past few weeks, I have literally and figuratively jumped into the deep end.  Yesterday's boat trip
on the gulf to a little island in the middle of the sea was relaxing and refreshing.  Although I haven't yet let go of my fear of heights and didn't dare jump from the upper deck like so many of the others, when we stopped and anchored about 45 minutes from our island destination just to cool off and enjoy the sea, I wasted no time joining in the fun and checking off another thing on my bucket list. Now more than ever, I am anxiously and excitedly waiting for Camryn to come in December so we can share some of the adventures together.  I'm still working on my mom, but I think she's coming around.

Finally, there is ABSOLUTELY something new and beautiful to behold in the most unlikely places. Respect and reverence for lives lost extends around the world and demonstrates how turmoil affects everyone.  While the news and media can give you insight into what's happening elsewhere, we all need to be mindful that those views are not all encompassing.

The First Days

My first few days seemed to run together.  I kept asking everyone back home when I called, "What time is it there?"  I was often awake and on the phone at 3am because I was all out of sorts.  My phone showed local time and my tablet showed SC time and Alabama time.  I worried that I was never going to get these three time zones organised in my head.

But wait...let me fill you in on some of the happenings.  On the day of arrival, those us landing were greeted by the orientation team waiting patiently at Starbucks just outside baggage claim for us to clear customs.  Their smiling faces and cool bottles of water were a welcomed sight after two days of flying which included a 12 hour journey from New York to Dubai. (Shout out to Emirates airlines and the superb experience.  Food and beverage service was unending and $1 on-air wifi made it possible for me to use all of my apps to chat, text, and even call my family along the way.)

From the airport, we were whisked away to our respective furnished apartments and given a quick tutorial on how to operate appliances before being left to settle in for the evening.  The team had stocked our refrigerators with some grocery staples and left a welcome packet on the coffee table that included a prepaid SIM card with international minutes and a data plan.  I wasted no time swapping the cards, calling home and video chatting Camryn so that we could both settle our minds.  Shortly after, I headed to the shower and was off to bed completely exhausted.  The sun rises here fairly early so by 5am the skyline view from my apartment window is hazy but fabulous!

The View from My Apartment

The next day I met the other part of my school admin team: the principal, also new, and the middle school AP who is returning.  I will be the high school AP for the girls campus.  The three of us have been chatting via email since May and were eager to put faces to names over brunch.  I knew instantly this was going to be a great partnership when I heard loud knocking and unfamiliar voices in the hallway calling my name as I looked through the peephole to see all of this taking place at the apartment across the hall.  Meeting them was like being with old friends and hugs were definitely in order before we were off to brunch and a little shopping. I managed to get lost on the cab ride home, however, and felt badly for my driver who had to ride me around in circles for 5 minutes until I figured it out.  He must be use to that, though, because he gave me his card so I could call him in the future, and since he already knows where I live,  and I obviously don't, he will definitely be my guy!!

"Get busy living, or get busy dying!" - Morgan Freeman - The Shawshank Redemption

August 9th, I tearfully boarded that plane knowing I had just said goodbye to my fave girl, my chest tightening with every breath.  Was this the right thing? We were doing this all wrong.  I was supposed to be dropping her off not the other way around. Was she going to be okay without me.  More importantly, was I going to be okay without her!?  The tears just wouldn't stop coming.  I thought back over the last two weeks and realized how very full my life has been even with its ebbs and flows, it's highs and lows.  During those days, I focused my attention on Camryn, lining up all the things for her trek to college.  I constantly asked her if she was truly okay with this change.  We watched old home movies and laughed heartily at the foolishness that has always been our lives. We had our annual Lucas/Maybank Blowout (which doubled as my going away party), and I had a BLAST!!!   I spent time with my brother and sister and my niece and nephews, knowing that our interactions would soon be limited to phone calls, texts and video chats.  I hugged them both my siblings more tightly than I think ever have before. I wasn't going to see anyone for a year! I'd have to wait till next summer for spray chicken, vodka infused watermelon slushies, a rainbow of jello shots, and macaroni reminiscent of my grandma Helen Lucas's.  I texted my O'Neill cousins who wished me well and shared their  hopes for a safe journey.  I spent some quality time with my mom, eating our fair share of snacks and treats and vowing to make better choices with each bite. I awoke each morning (except one :-)) to the smell of childhood breakfast favourites - shrimp and cream of wheat, grits, bacon, sausage, and salmon patties - and being asked about dinner requests before I could finish eating.  I reached to hug her just because I needed to hug my mom.  I spent a few minutes with my sweet Sassi in her new home and knew she would be in good hands.

Of course, I missed my dad even more and went to the cemetery to make sure I still felt the same about my decision.  I knew if it wasn't right, he'd find a way to let me know, but that peace and serenity was as strong as ever.  And then I made my way to Charlotte to hang out with Camryn and my mom before boarding the plane.

I was nervously excited as expected and didn't sleep long before my alarm sounded, and then, I was off to begin this long awaited journey.  From Charlotte to New York to Dubai to Kuwait, I was watching my life's landscape change as if I were a patron at at movie theatre with only the tears falling from my eyes down my face to remind me that this was indeed my life, and so as I sit her at 1 in the morning on my bed in my new home on the other side of the world, I am comforted by the fact that I am definitely getting busing living cause I refuse to die with the regret of never trying.  #TAOA

Just Doin' Me!!

                                                                                               

From the moment I first heard "Just Do You" by India Arie, I knew these were words I wanted Camryn to hear, internalize, and live!!  This song is all about taking that calculated risk, exploring life, creating your own path, and controlling it, and I have had this song on repeat in her life ever since.  When I thought she was losing her way, I reminded her of a few passages from the Bible, and blasted this song.  When I felt that self doubt was kicking in, I played this song! When I thought she might be affected by the treatment or words of someone else, I played this song.  I have always known that she can be whatever she wants because she is absolutely smart, and witty, and personable!  I just needed her to know and continue to believe that.  

Then I thought, if this mantra is good enough for Camryn, then of course, these words are good enough for me.  So to those who have nothing but negativity to toss in my direction, who ask if I'm crazy, who tell me repeatedly how hot it is as a way to change my thinking, who are just not on my team, don't waste your time because I am just doing me!!!  Every story needs someone to write it, and I am absolutely excited about revising mine!!!!

Yes, I Am Moving...Again!!

Moving is second nature for me and almost like breathing.  My cousin, Leslie, told me a few years ago that she stopped writing my address in her book in pen (yes, she still had an address book back then) because it never stays the same for too long. The reality of that hit home when Camryn graduated this past June from West Florence High School, the 9th school she has attended (and the one she attended the longest at 2.5 years).  I like to think that all of these moves just make us people who adapt super easily to whatever comes. At least that's my story, and I'm sticking to it, so what's one more move?!

I must say, though, this new move is my most adventurous of all, and I am super excited about it, just not about the packing.  I keep trying to figure out how to pack up my life in three 50 lb suitcases and a 15 lb carry-on. The word downsizing doesn't even do justice for what's going on in this place.

Right now, I sit amongst wall to wall boxes and bins and bags in a small space I have carved out for myself on the couch just so I could take a break to eat and write for a few.  Free space right now is a much sought after thing up in here.  Camryn said yesterday that there is so much piled in the hallway that she gets startled when she walks out of her room because she keeps thinking someone is standing there.

There is a section for Habitat for Humanity, a section for Goodwill, a section for storage and a much needed section for trash.  Although, I am not one to save much  (A friend of mine would disagree with this statement since I save almost everything Camryn has ever made me or written or worn that was special), and I have already downsized twice before, this kind of move is really forcing me to make some decisions about the things we have and need.  It's amazing how much can be accumulated in short periods of time, but I am really looking forward to this minimalistic beginning to my new expat life.

Oh well, I must get back to it.  Time's a wasting!

#TAOA

Life has brought many changes my way over the last four years, and with this impending empty nest flashing before my eyes,  I am not so sure I am ready to embrace this latest change at all.  See, my life for the last 16 years has been all about Camryn, and I enjoyed every minute of it.  My days and weeks were filled yet predictable:  weekday volleyball games and weekend tournaments, acting as Camryn's personal chauffeur, spur-of-the-moment mother/daughter road trips and adventures that gave me time to spend with my fave girl and bond before we reached this point we find ourselves in now.

In a few short weeks, she is headed off to college to begin her life, and I am faced with the reality that I am going to be left behind, lonely and bored.  All sorts of thoughts and questions flood my mind: What am I going to do with myself? How will I find purpose again?  Do I really know how to just be me, not Cam's mom, and enjoy life?  Would never ending sadness and depression loom around the corner?

For her, this is an exciting and scary time and equally so for me as well.  Deep inside, I know that change is good, but it is hard to accept sometimes.  I also know that I need to snap out of these dreary thoughts, get myself together, and audaciously chart a new path for my life.  After weeks, no months, of wallowing, I am deciding and choosing to view this change as something to look forward to instead of something to dread.  It is clear that time is passing swiftly.  With each unencumbered moment, I reminisce on all the things I wanted to do before I became a mom, and I feel an overwhelming sense of urgency to put my thoughts into action.

So in 30 days, I will be grabbing life by the proverbial horn and making moves, BIG MOVES because, like the little boy who sang out to the mynah bird,  I've got plans, BIG PLANS, I say!




PS: Shout out to Jaime Miranda for helping me to capture my essence through a hashtag#!
#MsAlgebruhhhPresents